Farewell Dinner
Well, here we are, officially a few days into the New Year and already the resolutions have been made, broken and remade.
It’s just sad how easily I can break my New Year’s resolutions. And it’s the same every year – to be healthier, eat better and work out more. Why am I even surprised that I fail?
This year, in an attempt to be completely ready and fully committed to my new, healthy lifestyle, I went out to dinner on New Year’s Eve. This was an attempt to eat all of the fattening, favorite things that I will be denied over the next few months. It was my way of saying, “Farewell fatty foods, you have been good to me, but alas, I must deny myself of you for a short while.”
The dinner started out with a wonderful Caramel Appletini. Um…Yummy! That’s all I have to say about that one.
Next was cheese sticks. More of a bar food appetizer, but my husband's favorite, so that’s what we had. I think the restaurant was aware of our impending resolution (yep…talked the husband into being “healthy” too) and the order had 14 cheese sticks in it. Now, I have never, NEVER, gotten that many cheese sticks in an order, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never eaten more than three or four in a sitting, but wouldn’t you know, we polished them off.
Next were two cheddar bay biscuits (yes, it was Red Lobster) and a Caesar salad with baby shrimp, which was just a precursor to dinner. Oh my glorious dinner, how I loved thee!
First I must say that whoever created the “create your own holiday platter” is a genius. I may give them my Nobel Prize. Seriously.
I ordered snow crab legs, coconut shrimp, stuffed mushrooms and a baked potato. So good. I didn’t finish it all, but I put a huge dent in it.
Of course no fatty dinner is complete without dessert. Charlie and I shared a brownie sundae (or to you Red Lobster fans, the Fudge Overboard).
As we left I was feeling fat and happy. Ready to start my New Year’s resolution at the stroke of midnight.
But then I felt sick. Oh I felt bad. Too much food. Too much fat.
Have you ever felt drunk on food? You get light-headed, a little woozy and start to feel like you can’t think straight? Yep, that was me.
I think this is how it went in my body:
I know. You may think I’m silly, but I swear that’s what happens.
And you’re wondering if I kept my resolution right? Well……no. Not on the first or second day anyway. But today is the third day and the first day back at work, so as of 9:20am….success!
___________________________________
Watchful Woodsman Update:
The Watchful Woodsman was located late Saturday evening. He was lying face down in a very dark corner under the couch. He is currently in stable condition and foul play has not been ruled out. The small Megazord has been questioned and released. You will be updated as more information becomes available.
It’s just sad how easily I can break my New Year’s resolutions. And it’s the same every year – to be healthier, eat better and work out more. Why am I even surprised that I fail?
This year, in an attempt to be completely ready and fully committed to my new, healthy lifestyle, I went out to dinner on New Year’s Eve. This was an attempt to eat all of the fattening, favorite things that I will be denied over the next few months. It was my way of saying, “Farewell fatty foods, you have been good to me, but alas, I must deny myself of you for a short while.”
The dinner started out with a wonderful Caramel Appletini. Um…Yummy! That’s all I have to say about that one.
Next was cheese sticks. More of a bar food appetizer, but my husband's favorite, so that’s what we had. I think the restaurant was aware of our impending resolution (yep…talked the husband into being “healthy” too) and the order had 14 cheese sticks in it. Now, I have never, NEVER, gotten that many cheese sticks in an order, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never eaten more than three or four in a sitting, but wouldn’t you know, we polished them off.
Next were two cheddar bay biscuits (yes, it was Red Lobster) and a Caesar salad with baby shrimp, which was just a precursor to dinner. Oh my glorious dinner, how I loved thee!
First I must say that whoever created the “create your own holiday platter” is a genius. I may give them my Nobel Prize. Seriously.
I ordered snow crab legs, coconut shrimp, stuffed mushrooms and a baked potato. So good. I didn’t finish it all, but I put a huge dent in it.
Of course no fatty dinner is complete without dessert. Charlie and I shared a brownie sundae (or to you Red Lobster fans, the Fudge Overboard).
As we left I was feeling fat and happy. Ready to start my New Year’s resolution at the stroke of midnight.
But then I felt sick. Oh I felt bad. Too much food. Too much fat.
Have you ever felt drunk on food? You get light-headed, a little woozy and start to feel like you can’t think straight? Yep, that was me.
I think this is how it went in my body:
“Brain, this is stomach control. We have an issue here.”
“Stomach control, this is brain. Go ahead.”
“Well, it seems like Sherri has made another New Year’s resolution and is eating herself silly. What should we do?”
“Just keep me apprised of the situation, stomach control, and we’ll play it by ear.”
Enter cheesesticks.
“What the…? Did you see that? I counted at least six, no seven cheese sticks! What is she thinking?”
Enter biscuits, salad and the beginnings of dinner.
“Brain, this is stomach control again. We have a real situation. I don’t think we can take much more. We are dangerously close to maximum capacity. We may have to abort.”
“NO! No abort. The last time we did that in public was 1974. I don’t want a repeat.”
“But what should I do? I’m swimming in drawn butter.”
“Alright stomach control. You have the go ahead to release the flatulence valve. But at least make it an SBD. She can blame it on the baby.”
“Roger that.”
Enter dessert.
“Brain! We need you now more than ever. Please advise! There’s just too much food here to process. What should we do?”
“Okay, here’s what you do. Shut down equilibrium, fine motor-functioning and at a last resort cognizant thought.”
“Thank you Brain. I think we’ll make it through another year.”
I know. You may think I’m silly, but I swear that’s what happens.
And you’re wondering if I kept my resolution right? Well……no. Not on the first or second day anyway. But today is the third day and the first day back at work, so as of 9:20am….success!
___________________________________
Watchful Woodsman Update:
The Watchful Woodsman was located late Saturday evening. He was lying face down in a very dark corner under the couch. He is currently in stable condition and foul play has not been ruled out. The small Megazord has been questioned and released. You will be updated as more information becomes available.
posted by Sherri at 9:24 AM
8 Comments:
I had a stocking full of chocolate! Not to mention the cupboard full of cookies that we had to make the night before for "Santa". It's too hard to start "clean living" on the first of Jan. For one thing the best hangover food is GREASE. (not that I've been hungover anytime recently). I was in bed and asleep at 9:30 New Year's Eve ~ hurrah.
I do that, too! I have that "last fling" with all that I am giving up (chocolate, soda, cabana boys) and try to stick with it. This year I'm doing baby steps. Each week I am dropping a bad habit, and adopting a tiny new good habit. So this week, I'm dropping soda and tea (but not coffee or chocolate) and trying to actually just move around more. I have set up Outlook to remind me to get up from the desk once an hour. I'll keep you posted.
And now, enough about me - your post was hilarious! I love the "make it an SBD" - thank goodness for that flatulence release valve!
Happy New Year!
Why doesn't fisher price make a big tub for all the little people? Not that it would keep our kids from tossing them under the furniture. The same thing happened to the queen from the castle set when Kate got it. She instantly disappeared for a good 3 months. I naturally assumed she had been kidnapped by a rival kingdom's secret army... until she showed up under the couch. Sneaky little suckers.
Ok, ok, stop! I'm falling out of my chair here! Too damned funny! And, since my resolution is NOT the "d" word (diet) but the "h" word (healthy), NOW I'M STARVING TO DEATH reading your post! And yes, I've had lunch...:(
I still say that 'Zord is behind it.
Good luck avoiding future food comas.
Okay, you have me laughing my ass off in my office. The staff is suspicious, because they know that I have an internet connection, and that engineering could not possibly be this entertaining!
Happy New Year to you, Sherri!
This is so wrong of me, knowing full well that I need to be on a diet myself, but now I simply MUST find a Red Lobster near me and go to it. Because through all the funny of your post, the one thing that kept popping in my head was, "Mmm, stuffed mushrooms."
Seriously, you are hilarious. I'll be visiting your blog often.
Yes ma'am! All that! One person I read calls it the "food coma" - tranlates means "when you've had so much to eat your stomach sticks out noticeably and it's all you can do to stroke the food baby and groan with pleasureable discomfort." I like the term, and love the flatuence release valve. Without it we'd be lost, eh?
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