Bees vs. Collagen
Yesterday I was coerced into meeting with a Staples representative. I hate meetings like that. I have to pretend to be interested in what they are saying about the cost of paper clips or something boring like that. I don’t really care.
Anyway, I go to the lobby to meet the lady and BAM her giant top lip is just jutting out staring at me. It’s HUGE. She looks like Goldie Hawn in the beginning of First Wives’ Club when her collagen lip injection had gone bad.
So were talking and all I can think is:
Damn she’s got a big lip! Did she really want it like that? It’s just…..freaky.
“So I really want to tell you more about what Staples can do for you.”
“Uh huh.”
Do you know you look like a freak?
“Let’s go over this analysis of how we can cut costs.”
Stop staring, Sherri. Stop. Stop it.
“Um. I have a question,” she says.
Uh oh. She must have noticed me staring.
“Does my lip look big?”
What?! She asked?!
“Um….uh,” I try to stall.
She just stares, waiting.
What do I say?? What do I say??
“Um…..it’s….ah….not…..that big.”
Yeah, right.
“Oh, I was worried, I was stung by a bee and I am very self-conscious.”
Right…a bee, sure, that’s it.
“No. It’s fine really. I didn’t really notice.”
Talk about awkward.
Anyway, I go to the lobby to meet the lady and BAM her giant top lip is just jutting out staring at me. It’s HUGE. She looks like Goldie Hawn in the beginning of First Wives’ Club when her collagen lip injection had gone bad.
So were talking and all I can think is:
Damn she’s got a big lip! Did she really want it like that? It’s just…..freaky.
“So I really want to tell you more about what Staples can do for you.”
“Uh huh.”
Do you know you look like a freak?
“Let’s go over this analysis of how we can cut costs.”
Stop staring, Sherri. Stop. Stop it.
“Um. I have a question,” she says.
Uh oh. She must have noticed me staring.
“Does my lip look big?”
What?! She asked?!
“Um….uh,” I try to stall.
She just stares, waiting.
What do I say?? What do I say??
“Um…..it’s….ah….not…..that big.”
Yeah, right.
“Oh, I was worried, I was stung by a bee and I am very self-conscious.”
Right…a bee, sure, that’s it.
“No. It’s fine really. I didn’t really notice.”
Talk about awkward.
posted by Sherri at 8:11 AM
3 Comments:
Hard not to stare at something like that! VERY distracting.
I hate those meetings too. It's always the friggin' copier people with me, trying to pin me down, calling incessantly, calling BACK, emailing, leaving messages in my voice mail AND the receptionist ("just tell her I left her a voice mail to notify her of an email I had sent"), etc. I HAVE a copier. "But we can take thousands of dollars from you annually to get you a new one that scans documents and only comes out to .10 per copy."
You don't understand. I have no time for this. And scanning? Are you kidding? Our files are all 10 inches thick. There's no scanning. We hate trees here. Piss off!
I don't know, it's very possible she was stung by a bee. I've walked with a fat lip thanks to various punches or uncoordination many a time.
Laughed my ass off! Thank you for giving me something to smile at today!
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