Flannel, Lesbians and Shooting the Bird
I hate impatient drivers. I don't mean the normal impatient type. I mean the ones that the second, the very exact moment, that the light turns green they are laying on the horn. Or the guy who pulls up behind you and is following so close that you feel he is literally pushing your car forward. Or the woman who is in such a hurry that instead of applying the brakes, slowing down, and changing lanes behind you, she speeds up and cuts you off only to slow down to turn.
On my way home from work today I was just about to go as the light turned green and of course, before I could even get my foot off the brake, the guy behind me lays on his horn. Without a moment's thought I shot him the bird. Oops. My two kids were in the car. Luckily they didn't notice, the guy wasn't an insane road rage case, and I made it home safely.
I don't usually shoot people the bird while driving. I learned my lesson many years ago. Today brought back memories of that fateful day.
PreppyGirl and I were riding in my very cool 1991 Eagle Talon Turbo (it was 1991, so I guess it was cool). A very large Cadillac whipped in front of me and slammed on it's brakes to turn into a gas station. I slammed on my brakes barely avoiding an accident.
I was pissed. I was cursing up a storm. PreppyGirl about jumped out of her seat.
"Dammit," I said. "That's bullshit. She cut me off!"
I turned the car around and pulled into the gas station after the Cadillac.
"What are you doing?!" PreppyGirl cried.
"Fuck her," I said.
I pulled up next to the car (the woman hadn't gotten out of her Cadillac yet), flipped her the bird, gave her a smart ass grin, and drove away.
"Oh my Gosh!" PreppyGirl cried. "That was so funny!"
"I know, " I said laughing. "Serves the bitch right!"
"Um...Sherri?"
"Yeah?"
"Isn't that the lady in the Cadillac next to us?" PreppyGirl asked.
I looked to my left and the lady in the Cadillac was next to me. She had an insane look on her face and instantly my blood ran cold. I knew this was a bad situation. I saw a gas station on my right and I decided that I was going to cut through and get away from the Cadillac.
As I pulled into the gas station another car pulled in and blocked my escape route. The woman in the Cadillac whipped in behind me and blocked any chance of retreat.
So your wondering....am I tough? Did I get out of the car and confront her? Did I really show her that she couldn't cut me off?
Um....No.
I freaked out.
The woman in the Cadillac opened her door. The first thing I saw was a large tan work boot. Then I caught a glimpse of red plaid flannel. Then I saw her.
She was huge. The proper word may be mammoth. She was an over six feet tall, boot and flannel wearing lesbian. I was freakin' scared.
She calmly walked over and began knocking on my driver's side window.
PreppyGirl started screaming. All I could hear was, "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!"
I looked at the car blocking me in and started waving with my hands for her to back up.
"BACK UP! YOU MUST BACK UP!!!!," I screamed.
The girl in the car blocking me looked confused at first. Then she saw the lesbian and a look of terror overcame her.
During my frantic waving and screaming the lesbian was still knocking, "Why don't you come out here and show me that bird again?" she said.
"I was just kidding. " I cried.
"Get your ass out here bitch!" she screamed as she banged harder.
"Um...no thanks. I gotta go. Bye." I yelled as the girl blocking me finally figured out what was going on and moved her car.
I took off. The Cadillac pursued.
"Where's the police station?" I asked.
"Um...I can't remember!" PreppyGirl cried.
So we just drove around until eventually the flannel wearing lesbian apparently got bored and drove away.
As I drove back to PreppyGirl's apartment I told her, "Remind me the next time I decide to kick some ass that I am a wus. Okay?"
_________________
Disclaimer: This post is in no way meant to demean or stereotype lesbians. I love lesbians. Although I am not one and have no interest in having sex with one. Seriously. I love you all. Even the flannel wearing, Cadillac driving ones. Seriously. Please don't hurt me.
On my way home from work today I was just about to go as the light turned green and of course, before I could even get my foot off the brake, the guy behind me lays on his horn. Without a moment's thought I shot him the bird. Oops. My two kids were in the car. Luckily they didn't notice, the guy wasn't an insane road rage case, and I made it home safely.
I don't usually shoot people the bird while driving. I learned my lesson many years ago. Today brought back memories of that fateful day.
PreppyGirl and I were riding in my very cool 1991 Eagle Talon Turbo (it was 1991, so I guess it was cool). A very large Cadillac whipped in front of me and slammed on it's brakes to turn into a gas station. I slammed on my brakes barely avoiding an accident.
I was pissed. I was cursing up a storm. PreppyGirl about jumped out of her seat.
"Dammit," I said. "That's bullshit. She cut me off!"
I turned the car around and pulled into the gas station after the Cadillac.
"What are you doing?!" PreppyGirl cried.
"Fuck her," I said.
I pulled up next to the car (the woman hadn't gotten out of her Cadillac yet), flipped her the bird, gave her a smart ass grin, and drove away.
"Oh my Gosh!" PreppyGirl cried. "That was so funny!"
"I know, " I said laughing. "Serves the bitch right!"
"Um...Sherri?"
"Yeah?"
"Isn't that the lady in the Cadillac next to us?" PreppyGirl asked.
I looked to my left and the lady in the Cadillac was next to me. She had an insane look on her face and instantly my blood ran cold. I knew this was a bad situation. I saw a gas station on my right and I decided that I was going to cut through and get away from the Cadillac.
As I pulled into the gas station another car pulled in and blocked my escape route. The woman in the Cadillac whipped in behind me and blocked any chance of retreat.
So your wondering....am I tough? Did I get out of the car and confront her? Did I really show her that she couldn't cut me off?
Um....No.
I freaked out.
The woman in the Cadillac opened her door. The first thing I saw was a large tan work boot. Then I caught a glimpse of red plaid flannel. Then I saw her.
She was huge. The proper word may be mammoth. She was an over six feet tall, boot and flannel wearing lesbian. I was freakin' scared.
She calmly walked over and began knocking on my driver's side window.
PreppyGirl started screaming. All I could hear was, "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!"
I looked at the car blocking me in and started waving with my hands for her to back up.
"BACK UP! YOU MUST BACK UP!!!!," I screamed.
The girl in the car blocking me looked confused at first. Then she saw the lesbian and a look of terror overcame her.
During my frantic waving and screaming the lesbian was still knocking, "Why don't you come out here and show me that bird again?" she said.
"I was just kidding. " I cried.
"Get your ass out here bitch!" she screamed as she banged harder.
"Um...no thanks. I gotta go. Bye." I yelled as the girl blocking me finally figured out what was going on and moved her car.
I took off. The Cadillac pursued.
"Where's the police station?" I asked.
"Um...I can't remember!" PreppyGirl cried.
So we just drove around until eventually the flannel wearing lesbian apparently got bored and drove away.
As I drove back to PreppyGirl's apartment I told her, "Remind me the next time I decide to kick some ass that I am a wus. Okay?"
_________________
Disclaimer: This post is in no way meant to demean or stereotype lesbians. I love lesbians. Although I am not one and have no interest in having sex with one. Seriously. I love you all. Even the flannel wearing, Cadillac driving ones. Seriously. Please don't hurt me.
posted by Sherri at 6:42 PM
8 Comments:
Ugh....more spam!
Hilarious story, Sherri.
You should have just flipped her the bird again.
But I understand your frustration. It annoys me so when someone quickly whips out from a side street to be infront of you and then drives horrendously slowly.
Ahh memories. Ya, I was scared shitless. I was thinking it was your mustang.. but I guess not. In any case, I was also thinking there were two lesbians and one had a baseball bat. Funny how your mind embellishes over time. Maybe you and I were the lesbians? - lol - just kidding of course!
Boo to spam.
And that story is hilarious - I think it's funnier that it was a huge scary trucker-ish lesbian
Actually, there were two but only one was aggressive.....
I don't remember a baseball bat. Maybe I blocked that out, too traumatic!
Something like that happened to me once. Then funny part is the guy was screaming at me to get out of my car, cause I'm really small looking in the car. When I stepped out he changed his mind 'cause I'm built like a garage (short and very wide).
What sets people off like that is what makes me wonder....
That's something that would happen to me too!
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