Two Words - Key Lock

I found my inspiration for this post from another's misfortune with cell phones and text messaging. Let's just say that if you are having an intimate conversation about your ex, and you have the propensity to sit on your cell phone and thereby inadvertantly speed dial your current girlfriend, you should probably learn to use key lock.

Let me review for those of you who haven't heard the story.

It was about 6 years ago, before I was married. I was enjoying single life. I had a boyfriend that I was crazy about. The only problem was I hated....I mean HATED his ex-girlfriend. It had been a sore spot between us since we had met.

When we had only been dating a few months he had actually broken up with me to go back to her. I was crushed. Eventually he came to his senses and came crawling back. Of course, I took him back.

(Now I know a lot of you are thinking, "Why? Why did you take him back, dummy?" We will go into that another day.)

So, I'm sitting in my apartment and my cell phone rings. It's my boyfriend. Yeah....I love it when he calls me. I answer the phone: "Hello."

Nothing.

Huh?

"HELLO!??"

Wait. I hear voices. It's my boyfriend. Who's he talking to?

I finally realize that he is driving in his truck and someone is with him, a guy he works with.

I start yelling, trying to get him to pick up the phone, "Hello!!!! Can you hear me???? HELLOOOOO!!!!"

I guess he must have called me by mistake. Oh well, guess I'll hang up. And then it happened. The word no girl wants to hear out of her boyfriends mouth when it's not pertaining to her......BLOW JOB.

uh...SAY WHAT????

This is what I heard:

Boyfriend: She gives the best blow jobs.

His Friend: Who does?

(Okay, should be my name coming up right? Wrong.)

Boyfriend: Amy.

His Friend: Reheaally????

Boyfriend: Oh yeah. She really knew how to use........

(I won't go on for the sake of my younger readers....or you perverts who may be doing God knows what.)

So. Now what? I'm pissed. I'm hurt. I'm angry. Did I mention pissed?

I want to yell at him. I want to kill him.

So I wait. I sit on the cell phone and listen to 30 more minutes of his conversation. I listen to him go through the drive through. I know what he's having for dinner (Boston Market - 1/4 White, mac and cheese and potaoes - if you were interested). He drives home. I hear him go through the guard gate. He walks up the stairs to his apartment. I hear his keys jingling as he unlocks the door.

As he walks through the door his house phone is ringing. I am sitting at home, the cell phone in one ear, the house phone in the other.

(Boyfriend picks up his house phone.)

Boyfriend: Hello?

Me: (Very calm, cold voice.) Pick up your cell phone and put it to your ear. Don't touch any buttons.

Boyfriend: What?

Me: JUST DO IT!

Boyfriend: Um....ok.

(Puts cell phone to his ear.)

Me: (Speaking through cell phone.) Can you hear me?

Boyfriend: (Nervously) Uh....yeah. How long have to been on?

Me: LONG ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT AMY GIVES A GOOD BLOW JOB!!!

I slam down the cell phone. (Well....as much as you can actually slam a cell phone. I did push the end button really hard though.)

Then I slam down the house phone.

Let this be a lesson.

Key Lock.

It's your friend.