Cosmic Joke

Do you ever have those days where you think your life is one big cosmic joke? That somewhere up there someone is going: Watch this guys. It’s hysterical. Look what I do to her next!

I look back on all the worst case scenarios that have come to fruition: Be careful on that trampoline, you’ll break something (broke arm); Don’t play football with the guys, you’ll break something (broke other arm).

Or how about bartending and catching a dart in the back of the leg? I look down and it’s still hanging there, quivering from the impact. Or in college when I went to the library to study for a final, fell asleep, and missed the exam? Or when I finally got my truck back after weeks of body work, only to get rear-ended on the way home?

Well, enough’s enough. Whoever is up there controlling me like a puppet….up yours! I refuse to amuse you anymore! I will fight back and thumb my nose at the powers that be.

This morning, though reportedly small, was my first success story. Sort of.

I was running late due to a bathroom scheduling conflict (or as I like to call it, my husband takes too damn long in the bathroom). Having only precious minutes to spare I go to the closet and pull out my outfit for the day, only to find…..

The collar on my shirt is creased wrong!!

WHAT!!! The HORROR!

Thinking quickly I run to the bathroom, throw water on it, and proceed to iron it on the bathroom counter with my already hot curling iron. I feel strong, free…..almost McGyveresque!

So, as I walked out of the house this morning, with a perfectly ironed collar, right on time, I looked to the sky…

Ha! I know what you tried to do and I won today! I won! Oh look, a birdie….

Splat! Crap. Literally.

The End.