Voice Mail
Last Sunday I got a strange message on my cell phone voice mail. There was a lot of static and it was difficult to make out all of it, but here is what I heard:
“Stop mess….with my man or I’ll fu…..uh…your fuc…..face, bitch.”
Hmmmm……
Interesting.
What really had me baffled is the voice was definitely a black woman. I think. Well, definitely a black woman OR a redneck.
Okay. So I first checked to see who called me. Private caller. Which of course when you threaten someone is what you do, right? Don’t let them know who you are.
Then I thought, who could it be? I’m not “mess….with” anyone’s man. Am I? I mean, I suppose I could inadvertently be pissing someone off due to my charm and good looks.
So I went back to my voicemail message. It says, “This is Sherri. Leave me a message and I’ll call you back.”
My name is on it. Is there another Sherri messing with someone’s man? Or maybe this person only had the number. Maybe a similar cell number ended up on some guy’s bill and his woman is mad and misdialed and accidentally got me?
And why, as a woman, would you even want to hold on to some guy who is messing with another woman. If she is messing with him, he is probably messing back. Have some pride, woman!
I really, really wish I had this person’s number to call them back. Couldn’t you just imagine the conversation?
“Hello.”
“Um…yes, hi. You just called my cell phone and said you were going to do something to my face if I didn’t stop “mess” with your man. I had a really hard time finding you because you didn’t leave your number.”
“Yeah. You better leave Levon alone or I’m gonna mess you up real bad.”
“Levon, huh? Yeah, honey, you quite possibly have the wrong number.”
“What? Isn’t this Shakeena?”
“No. My name is Sherri and I plainly identified myself on my voice mail.”
“Oh. Sorry. That Shakeena been mess with Levon, I just know it!”
“I’m really sorry to hear that. Listen, why don’t you call Shakeena and tell HER to stop mess with Levon, because I’m sure if a girl is mess with your man he probably isn’t mess back with her right? I mean, you should definitely fight for this winner.”
“Yeah, I gonna do that now.”
“Ok. Good luck with that.”
“Stop mess….with my man or I’ll fu…..uh…your fuc…..face, bitch.”
Hmmmm……
Interesting.
What really had me baffled is the voice was definitely a black woman. I think. Well, definitely a black woman OR a redneck.
Okay. So I first checked to see who called me. Private caller. Which of course when you threaten someone is what you do, right? Don’t let them know who you are.
Then I thought, who could it be? I’m not “mess….with” anyone’s man. Am I? I mean, I suppose I could inadvertently be pissing someone off due to my charm and good looks.
So I went back to my voicemail message. It says, “This is Sherri. Leave me a message and I’ll call you back.”
My name is on it. Is there another Sherri messing with someone’s man? Or maybe this person only had the number. Maybe a similar cell number ended up on some guy’s bill and his woman is mad and misdialed and accidentally got me?
And why, as a woman, would you even want to hold on to some guy who is messing with another woman. If she is messing with him, he is probably messing back. Have some pride, woman!
I really, really wish I had this person’s number to call them back. Couldn’t you just imagine the conversation?
“Hello.”
“Um…yes, hi. You just called my cell phone and said you were going to do something to my face if I didn’t stop “mess” with your man. I had a really hard time finding you because you didn’t leave your number.”
“Yeah. You better leave Levon alone or I’m gonna mess you up real bad.”
“Levon, huh? Yeah, honey, you quite possibly have the wrong number.”
“What? Isn’t this Shakeena?”
“No. My name is Sherri and I plainly identified myself on my voice mail.”
“Oh. Sorry. That Shakeena been mess with Levon, I just know it!”
“I’m really sorry to hear that. Listen, why don’t you call Shakeena and tell HER to stop mess with Levon, because I’m sure if a girl is mess with your man he probably isn’t mess back with her right? I mean, you should definitely fight for this winner.”
“Yeah, I gonna do that now.”
“Ok. Good luck with that.”
posted by Sherri at 8:36 AM
3 Comments:
politically correct much sherri? you're my hero, of course you already knew that!
Sherri,
You are frickin' hilarious.
Levon don't know what he been missin'.
~Kurt
Wow, sounds like an airtight case doesn't it? Good to knwo she got everything straight, like the phone number.
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