Sightings
I have seen the Toll Booth Serial Killer twice since I last reported on him. I saw him once last week. He said, "My you look beautiful today." I mumbled something and drove off head down.
I promised myself the next time I saw him I would stand defiant. I will not accept your compliments serial killer! I know your true intent. I would be strong. Tell him how he is inappropriate.
Here is how I imagined the conversation:
I pull up to the toll booth looking him straight in the eye. I am not afraid.
"Good Morning," he says. "You look very beautiful."
"I don't really think it's appropriate for you to say things like that to me. It makes me uncomfortable," I reply.
He looks taken aback. Of all the women he has complimented, no one has ever stood up to him!
"Oh, I was just trying to be nice."
"No you weren't!" I demand. "You are just using these compliments as a precursor to kidnapping me and locking me in your basement. Don't lie you freak!" I scream.
A myriad of emotions wash over his unshaven face. He knows he's had.
"You think you're so smart don't you?" he asks. "You think you can blow my cover? I'll just move to another toll location on the turnpike."
"Fine!" I shout.
"Fine!" he replies.
I drive off, head held high, saving the day for all the female commuters who travel through the Norristown exit.
Ha ha!
Here is what really happened when I saw him again:
I pull up to the toll booth and realize it's him. Oh shit I think. I look down as I stick my hand out the window with the change.
"Good Morning," he says. "You look very beautiful."
I mumble "uh huh" and drive off.
Aren't I the superhero?
Damn, foiled again.
I promised myself the next time I saw him I would stand defiant. I will not accept your compliments serial killer! I know your true intent. I would be strong. Tell him how he is inappropriate.
Here is how I imagined the conversation:
I pull up to the toll booth looking him straight in the eye. I am not afraid.
"Good Morning," he says. "You look very beautiful."
"I don't really think it's appropriate for you to say things like that to me. It makes me uncomfortable," I reply.
He looks taken aback. Of all the women he has complimented, no one has ever stood up to him!
"Oh, I was just trying to be nice."
"No you weren't!" I demand. "You are just using these compliments as a precursor to kidnapping me and locking me in your basement. Don't lie you freak!" I scream.
A myriad of emotions wash over his unshaven face. He knows he's had.
"You think you're so smart don't you?" he asks. "You think you can blow my cover? I'll just move to another toll location on the turnpike."
"Fine!" I shout.
"Fine!" he replies.
I drive off, head held high, saving the day for all the female commuters who travel through the Norristown exit.
Ha ha!
Here is what really happened when I saw him again:
I pull up to the toll booth and realize it's him. Oh shit I think. I look down as I stick my hand out the window with the change.
"Good Morning," he says. "You look very beautiful."
I mumble "uh huh" and drive off.
Aren't I the superhero?
Damn, foiled again.
posted by Sherri at 10:10 AM
4 Comments:
Sherri,
Don't give up on the cape yet!
He probably has no idea how creepy he seems on the surface, and if you told him, you might crush him.
True story: there was an old gentleman who used to stand out on the sidewalk in front of his house and wave to cars passing by. He lived across the street from an elementary school, but he'd lived there before the school was built, so it wasn't like he moved there to act out his nefarious plan. I walked by him countless times, and he was always friendly and sweet and never inappropriate. Newspaper articles were written about him. He was a living landmark in our town.
I don't remember how it happened, but my mom did something nice for him one day. Something random...baked him a pie, or something. When he came to our house to return the pie tin, HE STARTED HITTING ON MY MOM.
At first, my mom couldn't believe it. I was maybe ten and I could see what he was after, so you know it had to be pretty obvious. But he's such a nice man! This is the guy who waves at everyone!
He'd show up at our house unannounced in the afternoons and hit on my mom until she got tired of being polite and told my dad about it. My dad paid him a gentlemanly visit and made it clear he wasn't welcome at our house any more. No violence -- my dad is the least violent man I know -- but the visits stopped; problem solved.
So...maybe this guy LOOKS creepy, but really isn't. It's the nice ones you gotta worry about! :-)
~Kurt
Oh, no. He must know. And aren't we all just heroic and brave in retrospect.
That's it!
You are Captain Retrospect! Righter of Wrongs! Smasher Downer of the Creepy! (At least in retrospect anyway...)
Yeah! What Shari said!!!
Is his the only toll booth? If so, is there any way you could patch on a fake pimple - A GIANT RED ANGRY ONE - that might be off-putting for him?
I am like you - I don't want to offend someone who MAY just be trying to be nice, even if he totally creeps me out. I just avoid them. But when I can't avoid them, I still don't stand up for myself! Why are we like that??
And also like you - I assume that people who creep me out are psycho killers. Extroverted ones just testing the waters. Really.
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