I Will Destroy You!
My husband and I decided to go out to dinner with our boys on Friday night. As we were leaving the house Charlie, my 3 year old, asked me for a fruit snack. I figured we probably wouldn’t be eating for at least an hour so a fruit snack would be okay. He’d be happy and subsequently, I’d be happy.
While we were waiting for the hostess to get our table ready I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation of a husband and wife at a nearby table. They were with their two young children. The husband looked at the wife and exclaimed, “I just don’t understand it! What kind of mother gives their child a fruit snack before dinner?”
I should have held my tongue but I couldn’t. I looked at the father and said, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. I just gave my son a fruit snack to eat on the way here.” “See!” the wife said to her husband.
After we sat down our dinner was mostly uneventful, although it did consist of a cancelled order and a re-cooked pizza, but that happens. While we were getting ready to leave, 5 teenage boys sat down at the table across from us.
One of the five boys was of Asian descent. He pointed to our pizza and said, “I’m a foreign exchange student. Can I have your pizza?”
“No.” I replied.
“But you dropped Napalm on my ancestors!” he exclaimed.
“What?”
“Sorry, we have to remind him who won Vietnam.” One of the other boys interjected.
My husband, who was on his cell phone at the time, looked over at the boys. “I don’t know what you’re saying to my wife, but you better show a little respect.”
I began to busy myself with repacking the baby’s diaper bag and gathering up the kids. As I look over, I see my husband bending over very close to one of the boys. He was whispering in his ear. As my husband stands up I see the boy's face. It’s white with terror.
Uh oh.
“What did you say to him?” I asked.
“Well, the punk was mouthing off some more and when I told him to stop he said, ‘I’m really scared’. I figured I’d go for the calm approach”, my husband replied. “I just leaned in very close and softly whispered in his ear, ‘You better be scared because I will f-ing destroy you.’”
“You didn’t!” I exclaimed.
“I did.”
What we didn’t realize was that Charlie was listening to our conversation. On the ride home Charlie shouts from the back seat, “Hey mom!”
“Yeah, baby?” I say.
He balls his fists and holds up his arms like he's flexing his muscles. Through clenched teeth he exclaims, “You better watch it….or I will destroy you!”
While we were waiting for the hostess to get our table ready I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation of a husband and wife at a nearby table. They were with their two young children. The husband looked at the wife and exclaimed, “I just don’t understand it! What kind of mother gives their child a fruit snack before dinner?”
I should have held my tongue but I couldn’t. I looked at the father and said, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. I just gave my son a fruit snack to eat on the way here.” “See!” the wife said to her husband.
After we sat down our dinner was mostly uneventful, although it did consist of a cancelled order and a re-cooked pizza, but that happens. While we were getting ready to leave, 5 teenage boys sat down at the table across from us.
One of the five boys was of Asian descent. He pointed to our pizza and said, “I’m a foreign exchange student. Can I have your pizza?”
“No.” I replied.
“But you dropped Napalm on my ancestors!” he exclaimed.
“What?”
“Sorry, we have to remind him who won Vietnam.” One of the other boys interjected.
My husband, who was on his cell phone at the time, looked over at the boys. “I don’t know what you’re saying to my wife, but you better show a little respect.”
I began to busy myself with repacking the baby’s diaper bag and gathering up the kids. As I look over, I see my husband bending over very close to one of the boys. He was whispering in his ear. As my husband stands up I see the boy's face. It’s white with terror.
Uh oh.
“What did you say to him?” I asked.
“Well, the punk was mouthing off some more and when I told him to stop he said, ‘I’m really scared’. I figured I’d go for the calm approach”, my husband replied. “I just leaned in very close and softly whispered in his ear, ‘You better be scared because I will f-ing destroy you.’”
“You didn’t!” I exclaimed.
“I did.”
What we didn’t realize was that Charlie was listening to our conversation. On the ride home Charlie shouts from the back seat, “Hey mom!”
“Yeah, baby?” I say.
He balls his fists and holds up his arms like he's flexing his muscles. Through clenched teeth he exclaims, “You better watch it….or I will destroy you!”
posted by Sherri at 7:50 AM
8 Comments:
Too funny. What the hell is wrong with some kids? And suprisingly, I love what your husband did. I don't normally condone threats of violence...but I know he was just trying to put him in his place... and sounds like he did! I'm laughing imagining that kids face!
I swear these days, a majority of kids are not taught to show respect. I would not have dreamed to mouth off to an "adult". The fear of God was put into me and I thought any adult could punish me the way my own parents did.
On the flip side, I wouldn't have pictured myself yelling at "those damn kids" either but ...live and learn.
At least Charlie didn't say he would "fucking" destroy you.
No.....he knows better than that, thankfully!
Hehe a friend of mines kid was playing at the sink a few years ago (she was like 3\4 at the time) and when Mom called her to stop messing around and come in she shouts back "I'm washing the dishes for f***s sake!".
Needless to say Mom turned white as a sheet and realised that Daddy hadn't been watching his mouth around the childer recently..
What made it all the "better" was the neighbours sitting in the sitting room at the time..
See? It's a truly ill man that doesn't ocassionally do good. Way to go, Husband. And Charlie cracks me up!
Kids are like flypaper for language...they collect phrases!
Good on your husband for putting that kid in his place. It's so great to shut an asshole down!
About five years ago, at an IMAX screening of Fantasia II, the kid sitting behind me kept kicking my seat...thump-thump-thump-thump...he was about 13 and obviously bored and trying to make his mother miserable sitting next to him. Turning around and looking bullets at him didn't work. He pretended to snore, and his mother didn't shush him (probably picking her battles). Shushing him did no good. Asking him politely not to kick the seat only got more kicking.
Finally, I stood up (at the time, I weighed in at around 235 and had a 50-inch chest...I can be pretty imposing when I want to be, and back-lit in a dark room, the effect must be pretty overwhelming), turned around and leaned as close to him as I could. I gave him a long look, and very calmly said in a normal tone of voice, "If you don't stop kicking the back of my seat, I will rip your fucking leg off and beat you to death with it."
Problem solved.
~Kurt
Kurt - Loved it! And I bet the mom appreciated it too :)
Again I just died laughing - I'm glad you stuck up for yourself.
Post a Comment
<< Home