Sorry....I Just Can't Let It Go

So I have to keep talking about this. You know......Tom and Katie and the whole scientology thing. Sorry.

While doing my daily conspiracy research I came across this article.

Apparently there is a questionnaire that you must go through when first entering scientology. You are hooked up to some machine that monitors your brainwaves and you are asked these questions by a trained scientologist. I thought it would be fun to answer some of the questions myself. (These were all supposedly taken from the actual scientology questionnaire.)

Picture me in a dark room, hooked up to some weird contraption, answering these questions. So, here goes......

1. Have you driven anyone insane?

I would have to definitely say "yes", however, I cannot truly be sure of this answer because everyone that I am sure I have driven insane has subsequently disappeared.... hhmmmm.....that's interesting.

2. Have you ever killed the wrong person?

Now wouldn't this question just by its verbage indicate that I was initially trying to kill someone? Good try.

3. Is anybody looking for you?

Not right now. I told my husband I'd be home by 6.

4. Have you ever set a poor example?

Did my mom ask you to ask me that?

5. Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?

Um....what? Are you insinuating that I am not of this Earth?

6. Are you in hiding?

I may be.....from you, after this interview is over.

7. Have you systematically set up mysteries?

I suppose I would have to answer "yes", but only with men I have dated.

8. Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?

Apparently I do this to my husband on a daily basis.

9. Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?

As much as possible. It's called procrastination.

10. Have you ever gone crazy?

Do you want the list alphabetically?

11. Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?

My INsanity? No. My sanity, yes.

12. Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?

A "great" leader? Well this one time I was interning at the White House. I was wearing my pretty blue dress......

13. Have you ever smothered a baby?

Um.....with kisses. Who are you freakin' people?

14. Do you deserve to have any friends?

Most days.

15. Have you ever castrated anyone?

Only in my vivid revenge dreams!

16. Do you deserve to be enslaved?

Deserve? I don't know. There is this guy I pay......but that's another story.

17. Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?

Um.....all of them?

18. Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?

Everyday.......alas.....everyday.

19. Have you ever zapped anyone?

Only when I was dressed as Marvin the Martian for Halloween.

20. Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?

Okay.....Am I actually inhabiting this body....or do you mean "had" another body in the sexual sense? You are confusing me.

All right.....those were the questions. Now I don't know about you......but I am so in with the scientology thing. I mean who wouldn't want to be part of this cult....I mean religion?

This sounds like an organization that would make my family proud!

And it gets even better......

Apparently when you get to the upper level of Scientology you learn the "true" story behind how it all began. See there was this great leader, Xenu, who ruled about, oh, 76 planets or so. He wanted to rid the overpopulation on the planets so he sent all these people to Earth (which was called Teegeak back then) and tied them to a volcano and blew them up with an H bomb killing them all.

Now this is where is starts (hmmm.....sarcasm?) to get weird....

Killing people doesn't always get rid of them you know. You have to gather up their souls and take them to the movies.....then once they are brain washed their souls will stick together and inhabit the bodies of the leftover Earthlings...oh, Teegeaks, sorry.

So now the reason we have problems is because we are possessed by these souls called Thetans. Pretty cool, huh?

So are you ready to sign up?

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Okay.....

Here's my first Minivan Challenge.

PreppyGirl, HippyChick and Yoda (need a guy's perspective)...... please feel free to answer some of the above Scientology questions. Let's say....oh, at least 5. Your choice.

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(Post Script - I promise tomorrow I will move on to another subject.....promise.......)