Find Enlightenment - Join Dietology Today
I promised everyone that I would get of the Scientology kick today. And I will keep my promise……sort of.
I decided that what is good enough for L. Ron Hubbard is good enough for me. So, in that light, I would like to introduce……dum da da dum dum dum……..
DIETOLOGY!
That’s right. The Church of Dietology is born.
(Now this post will be much more enjoyable if you just scroll down and read yesterday’s post first to get the Scientology background.)
Anyway….
Dietology is a new religion based on the belief that all of our unhappiness and insecurities are due to these “toxins” that are poisoning our bodies.
The only way to truly rid yourself of these toxins is to start a strict purification regime. To do this, please first send me $249.99, and I will send you a starter kit. This kit includes a copy of When Harry Met Sally and a Hershey Bar. But I promise you aren’t getting ripped off. These items have been blessed by the Dietology elders (i.e. me).
Upon receiving this kit you will watch When Harry Met Sally and eat your Hershey Bar at precisely the same time Billy Crystal is eating Mallomars in the movie. This will produce in you a state of calmness and subsequently induce you to send me more money where upon receipt, I will send you the kit for the next level.
Each kit will cost $249.99 until I have you completely hooked and then the price will go up drastically to $149, 867.32. Upon receipt of this ginormous fee, you will learn the whole story of how Dietology began.
See, about 42 billion years ago there lived an evil leader. Her name was Phatase (pronounced Fat Ass). She hated all the thin beautiful people in her world so she gathered them up and made them run on treadmills until they died from exhaustion. She then gathered up their souls and made them watch movies, brainwashing them to think that their thighs were too big, and to feel inadequate to super models. These souls were then shipped to what we now call Earth and stored until a baby girl was born. At birth, the souls (the aforementioned "toxins") will then enter each baby girl and torment her all her days. That is until you pay me to rid you of these demons!
So there you have it….Dietology. Join now, so that you too can be happy.
(Please act fast….I am trying to open a Dietology center in Philly. If you join you will have unlimited access to the center. We will burn images of super models in effigy and serve chocolate all day long!)
I decided that what is good enough for L. Ron Hubbard is good enough for me. So, in that light, I would like to introduce……dum da da dum dum dum……..
DIETOLOGY!
That’s right. The Church of Dietology is born.
(Now this post will be much more enjoyable if you just scroll down and read yesterday’s post first to get the Scientology background.)
Anyway….
Dietology is a new religion based on the belief that all of our unhappiness and insecurities are due to these “toxins” that are poisoning our bodies.
The only way to truly rid yourself of these toxins is to start a strict purification regime. To do this, please first send me $249.99, and I will send you a starter kit. This kit includes a copy of When Harry Met Sally and a Hershey Bar. But I promise you aren’t getting ripped off. These items have been blessed by the Dietology elders (i.e. me).
Upon receiving this kit you will watch When Harry Met Sally and eat your Hershey Bar at precisely the same time Billy Crystal is eating Mallomars in the movie. This will produce in you a state of calmness and subsequently induce you to send me more money where upon receipt, I will send you the kit for the next level.
Each kit will cost $249.99 until I have you completely hooked and then the price will go up drastically to $149, 867.32. Upon receipt of this ginormous fee, you will learn the whole story of how Dietology began.
See, about 42 billion years ago there lived an evil leader. Her name was Phatase (pronounced Fat Ass). She hated all the thin beautiful people in her world so she gathered them up and made them run on treadmills until they died from exhaustion. She then gathered up their souls and made them watch movies, brainwashing them to think that their thighs were too big, and to feel inadequate to super models. These souls were then shipped to what we now call Earth and stored until a baby girl was born. At birth, the souls (the aforementioned "toxins") will then enter each baby girl and torment her all her days. That is until you pay me to rid you of these demons!
So there you have it….Dietology. Join now, so that you too can be happy.
(Please act fast….I am trying to open a Dietology center in Philly. If you join you will have unlimited access to the center. We will burn images of super models in effigy and serve chocolate all day long!)
posted by Sherri at 7:16 AM
3 Comments:
Sign me up..btw...saw Batman Begins...no urge for Scientology. The only urge I have is to watch the other Batman Movies again. Although Nicole Kidman is one...OMG...is this a sign?
I will head up the chapter in Utah!
Wackos.
Frigging brilliant, Sherri.
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